Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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