Kiss
Puke
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
