it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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