im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
