Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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