I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
