we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
