I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize