Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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