no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
