I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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