Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Girls should come with a carfax report
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
