If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
50% drunk capacity currently
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
