Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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