My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
