Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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