K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We need to get me chipped asap
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
