the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
