Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
