You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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