OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
