like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
