No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i think i just lost a toe
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