I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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