I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
