You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
