whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
