it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
