Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
