He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
