So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
