just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
