Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
