I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
