marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
