The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
