i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How does one acquire holy water?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
