I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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