Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Church boner. Awkwardddd
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
