just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
