3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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