there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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