I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
