This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
