Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
