i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
