Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
