i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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