and you said cock pushups were impossible
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
