Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We got so high we made milksteak
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
