I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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