Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
