Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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