Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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