so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Every concussion has its silver lining
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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