I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
