The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
