i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
