i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
