i need an iv and a liver transplant
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
