im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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