ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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