Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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