Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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