Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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