it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
