I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
