Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
