I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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