i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
