dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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