LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize