you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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