I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Help. Why am I so naked?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
