i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
