lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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