my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
