I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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