I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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